Learn2Write

Part 4: A Children’s Playground

The school bells chime at the end of a lesson and announce playtime. Then, you hear squeals of laughter, at first softly emanating from the many burrows of the school building, then getting louder till they fill the atmosphere with their loud tinkling like bells on a cycle. Don’t you just love the idea of going to the playground? There is open space and lots of opportunities for amusing diversions that are just perfect for frolicking frivolously.  

Why do we love a playground so much? They are everywhere: school grounds, community parks, theme parks, at special festivities. Yet, there is something about them that opens up your heart to unlimited opportunities and makes you believe you are invincible.

Imagine you had an incredible day at the playground with your best friend and wish to tell your parents about it. It was more than fun filled. It was roaring. You had a ball! You try to express how ecstatic you were. You try to tell them how riding the swing made you feel. Most of the time, a description would go thus:

My best friend pushed me so high on the swing that I felt like a plane taking off from the runway. It was amazing how my heart felt as I rode upwards and then backwards at the same improbable speed. Do you know that your stomach feels empty as you come down towards the ground? I went so high up that while coming down for a moment, I felt like I was going to feel sick. It made me dizzy but in a good way.

What about describing what you did at an inflatable bouncy castle? Your friends, and no doubt you too, must have come up with the most outrageous things to do there which would otherwise be very dangerous on the hard ground. This was the chance to show off the gymnastic skills that you have been secretly harbouring in your heart:

The airbags were so soft and firm; at the same time, it was really fun to be jumping on them without any fear. It would hold you and wrap around you so that you didn’t get hurt no matter how you fell. My friend and I decided to attempt the backflip, and even though I fell on my back, I was fine. 

These are quite good ways of writing about how the experiences were for you. You have not only described what you did but also how you felt. So, sensory details have been included. You are trying to rope them into the experience by asking questions. There are some accurate descriptions of the movements too. You have also rightly added the tireless tumbles your tummy took. 

But how about going a step further to make your essay more exciting and vivid?  

I have never gone higher on any swing before! At first, when my friend pushed me, the swing began to wobble unsteadily and I thought I was going to fall. But I held on until my knuckles became white. Slowly and steadily, the to and fro of the movement began to build. At each rise and fall, I began to go higher, till I felt like I was even above the top bar of the frame. At one point, as I plummeted backwards, I thought I was free falling with incredible speed only to be raised up higher again. Then I could feel my chest cavity become empty and my heart jump to my throat as I hurtled towards the ground. But the seat of the swing then took me on another journey skyrocketing, and I let myself go this time, leaving all my troubles behind. I was up in the air, and I never wanted to come back down.

Then, you go on to describe the inflatable castle:

The inflatable bouncy castle is literally the best thing in the world. Did you know that the harder you fall, the higher your next jump is? The air inside the bags exaggerates your movement tossing you upwards with nothing to hold on to. At first, you feel like a dingy on turbulent waters, but if you can control it, you can have the best time of your life. My best friend challenged me on how creatively we could make the jumps. I accepted! Now was the time to do those incredulously impossible moves which would otherwise be deemed dangerously daring. I cannot begin to tell you the ideas that popped into my head. I fell on my face but got back right up; I landed on my bottom, but there were no bruises; I even attempted a somersault and successfully docked on my feet. My friend was having a much harder time, so to rub salt in his wound, I even curtsied to him like an ice skater after completing a double spin.

Do you see how much more realistic the descriptions are? The various feelings your head goes through, the sensations your body experiences, the use of the right word (at the right places).  

Just like a sheet of drawing is considered good if it resembles the real thing it was imitating, a piece of writing is considered realistic if it contains an accurate depiction of the actual event. So, the next time you want your audience to feel exactly how you felt, say it to them this way.

How do you prefer travelling? Do you choose to sit down and read books that open the doors of the world to you? Do you prefer travelling with friends/family or solo? Is the thought of travelling alone terrifying or liberating? You could never be sure unless you try, could you? But one thing is certain: once you dare to go alone, you would be more vigilant of your surroundings, the time and even other people. By being observant, you could easily write travelogues and walk the readers through your trip with images, personal experiences and genuine emotions.

Like always, these solo trips don’t have to be to far-off geographical destinations; they could be as simple as going to the supermarket, the park or even the local library. And after taking the solo trip, who wouldn’t love to brag about their travel experience? But remember, we need to use something that would help us organise what we went through so that our travelogue will have a smooth flow. This is where a variety of linking words can help you.

In order to tell an impressive story about your solo trip, in the first place, learn to use some ‘linking words’ that help you form a coherent narrative and make your listeners enjoy it as a story. Did you notice the various linking words used here? Listening to someone's daily routine with repeated use of 'then' is tedious: ‘I start my day at...then...then...then...then…’(although there is nothing grammatically wrong with it).

With that being mentioned, how to describe a solo trip to the supermarket?

The just-risen sun shone through my window curtains and cast shadows of doubt on my already troubled mind. I was tired of depending on others to get my school supplies; I always had to wait till my older siblings or parents were available to accompany me. Though I knew the drill: make a list, get ready, take the essentials, cross the road carefully, shop and return safely; I never considered doing it alone. However, as the new day dawned on me with new aspirations to travel solo, I was willing to give it a shot. It’s always the first time that is very hard. But I guess, because of the good weather, my mother allowed me (although reluctantly) to go to the neighbourhood supermarket to buy some fresh fruits and school supplies.

With my bag pack ready, I set out sticking to the lane that I had always travelled, but nothing felt familiar. I was engulfed by a sense of being watched by every person that passed by. The boundary walls looked unusually large and the road seemed to stretch on for miles; I tried to walk tall, as much as my neck and height would allow. Moreover, people eyed me suspiciously fearing that I might be lost or up to no good. Although the sense of being peered upon by millions of eyes from above was overwhelming, I reverted their gapes with a determined stance, a focused stare and a confident smile. I had to take this trip. I had convinced my mind and no speck of doubt would be allowed to creep in. 

 Finally, I reached the traffic light crossing: the only major obstacle that now stood between me and the welcoming doors of the supermarket. Fortunately, there was a large group of commuters who wanted to cross the road along with me. Nobody seemed to notice the fly in the soup as I blended in with the group. As the signal turned green, I was carried along with the wave and safely plodded onto the pavement across the street. The group then disbanded in different directions. I felt elated as I skipped forward to close the gap between my destination and me. I entered as the automatic doors opened up for me.

A gush of cold wind, along with different smells ranging from fresh baked goods and sweet fruit invaded my senses. I was enthralled by the endless aisles of household and grocery items. To check out items from my list, I darted straight to the fruits and vegetable section. I was deluged by the vibrant colours that seemed like eye candy: kiwis, bananas, oranges, tomatoes, cucumbers and others were all in one area of the store. Carefully, I picked a bunch of cherries and felt their springy, smooth flesh; I got my pick. After that, I darted towards the soft, fuzzy skin of peaches; they all looked succulent, but I wasn’t sure whether they would be juicy and ripe inside. I could barely resist having a bite out of these luscious fruits. 

Afterwards, I went to the stationery aisle. Surprisingly, the aisle was jammed with parents and children picking up back-to-school items. Though I would have loved to strip the entire shelf of its colourful and captivating contents, I restrained myself as too many things meant  I had to calculate a lot and balance it out with the money I had. With my shopping done, I entered the checkout lane that wound like a snake. I hated this part the most because of the monotonous, shrill beep the scanner made as it read an item's barcode. At last, my turn came and I was billed out. I stuffed my backpack with my purchases and walked back home the same way I had come. The walls and the lanes didn’t seem weird on the return trip. I reached home and unloaded my backpack and my recount of the day to my parents. My parent’s faces lit up like the morning sun, pleased that their youngest child too could create orbits of her own. 

My trip to the supermarket taught me a valuable lesson: there is nothing a child cannot master if they are willing to observe and wait for their turn to perform. Besides, never take any initiative for granted. In short, it’s ok to be scared, but with one step at a time, you will get the hang of it.

Likewise, when writing a travelogue, you need to ensure that the narration is well structured. Do not exaggerate your thoughts and feelings, but do write in a way that makes your readers a part of your journey. Keeping your narrative chronological with appropriate linking words, interspersing it with genuine feelings and summarising significant events is a good way to stay on track.

Part 3: A forest fire

It is time for another one of our series that will help you write better descriptions, draw detailed imagery and create seamless sensory surroundings. A very visually vivid scene is that of a fire. Everyone knows how it feels to be at a bonfire, roasting marshmallows and dancing around it. But what if it was a much, much bigger fire? 

Have you ever imagined what it must be like to be caught in a fire of any kind? We see much of it in movies where heroic characters save others from fires in buildings or forests. There are a lot of graphic details to be seen, but how do you think it feels to experience one? Can you imagine being trapped in a fire of any kind? Did you know that you can smell a forest fire before you see one? 

Let’s see how you can describe one well, using not just figures of speech and sensory details but also feelings and thoughts running through the head of the person:

Imagine a bonfire that burnt itself out in the night of a very cold and damp winter. In the morning, the weak ashen fumes travel up your nostrils and settle on that unpleasant spot that usually makes you sneeze. It is not inviting or warm anymore but acrid and revolting, almost like dishwater. 

Now, imagine a waft of that filling up your nose as you draw closer and closer to the spot in the forest where fire has taken siege. Then you see it. The trees part, and the vast open sky, usually blue and white, is suddenly crimson and angry. It is like the pits of hell have opened up and are letting all the devils come up and invade your precious future. The heat is so strong that you can barely keep your eyes open, which are watering down tears almost enough to put the fire out. Your face feels like a red-hot cotton ball is smothering you, soft yet blistering, unseen yet oppressive. And the sound. It is not the comfortable crackling of chestnuts in your kitchen that is followed by merry jingle bells. It is deafening. You cannot hear your own thoughts. Tree trunks explode; leaves hiss at you; the ground melts into lava. Explosive, merciless and unrelenting waves rise up till fiery sticks of tentacles assault your face and push you back while your legs are preparing to run away at your slightest command. Worst of all, there is no air left to breathe.

How many of the above details were you aware of? More importantly, did pick up tips on how to write it down? In summary, there are helpful similes that depict clearer pictures, sensory details that hint at what one must feel like, contrasting images that add creativity and alliterations that give the writing an almost rhythmic feel. 

Each of these techniques adds value to the picture that you have drawn. You must always remember to use them with purpose. They should fit, and they should make sense and last but not the least, you must never use boring comparisons. Can you see how the personification and hyperbole add to the image of the unmerciful fire consuming everything?

So, what would you like to describe with so much vigour?

Travel changes people completely. It is never too early to begin travelling because with travel you get to etch experiences in your memory; of course, if you retell or record them in any form, the memory lasts longer. A travelogue is something that makes us experience what we went through the same way we encountered the journey (that is if we know how to use sensory images well). It’s sad though that there are not many travelogues that are written from a child’s perspective. The question we need to ponder on is, ‘why not?’ 

Carl Burns (a famous musician) said that there was once a child on a farm who saw a plane in the sky and dreamt of a faraway destination. While at the same time, another child from the same plane saw the farmhouse below and fantasised about home.Two different perspectives and two different observations, but even then this whole picture could be painted on a single frame. For some, travelling might mean going abroad and to places, while for others it means coming back home. This is what makes the world different: different people with different perspectives. For some, an actual movement between different geographic locations would constitute ‘travel.’ But, it does not have to be so always. If you are mindful of every movement that you make, then even everyday activities will be a worthy topic for a travelogue. It’s all in the perspective.

So, let’s get this straight. Travel doesn’t have to be to a destination to a different country or continent. It could be a simple journey from your room to the fridge at night. Imagine you craved a midnight snack and dared to venture alone to the refrigerator to satisfy your craving. This is a simple trip, which could be blandly told to a friend as “I couldn’t control my urge to snack at night, so I did it. Then, as usual, I felt guilty.” What is the fun of sharing something this way?

Can we try to retell this trip to the fridge in a manner that would make the listener a part of your home and a partner in your journey to the fridge (even though it’s in the past)? How do you make listeners interested with wide-open eyes and all ears to every small detail you have to say, you ask? Well, the magic lies in using sensory images to your advantage. They enable you to show rather than tell the listener what is happening. Shall we see how to recap what you went through?

I was having this gnawing feeling inside me after dinner. Usually, I have a good enough dinner to keep me satiated, but unfortunately, it is never enough to satisfy my cravings. They would creep up from behind my mind the moment lights were switched off and everyone retired for the day. I would try my best to bury those feelings and divert my thoughts to a movie or a song; however, they would spring up with the same force that I had used to suppress them. I had to satisfy the craving or else the feeling would have gnawed my insides.

I unwillingly got off the bed and felt my way to the door in the dark. With my breath held back, I cautiously scanned my surroundings and tiptoed to the hall where the fridge was positioned: the storage box of my weakness and insecurities. In that dark hall, there were shapes in monochrome—like a crime scene from a black and white movie. A few cautious steps later, the silhouettes were already more discernible than they were only a short while before. I discerned the dimensions of the grey cuboid—my haven. As I locked my eyes on the fridge, my pace quickened. With outstretched arms, I headed straight for the handle, opened it and left out my long-held breath. I basked in the glowing light from the refrigerator and felt my heart pound against my chest. 

Snitched goodies are always sweeter, they say (it’s true). The aroma of butter and chocolate escaped as I lifted the glass bell jar that covered Mom’s chocolate cake. I lost control. I gobbled down one big piece without thinking about the calories, the time, or if I needed it. It was so soft and moist that it melted down my throat. Just as soon as I gave in to the temptation, I was aware of my surroundings. Crumbs of cake that escaped my mouth soiled the spotless kitchen floor. The light from the fridge was now more like a spotlight on a runaway thief; I felt guilty. When would I ever overcome this nighttime craving? Ashamed by my lack of self-control, I shut the door to the fridge and left all traces of my crime the way they were. Slowly, I returned to my room.

So, aside from actually boarding a plane, did you notice how a simple habitual action could be described as a travel episode chock-full of language techniques, dynamic sentence starters, and, most importantly, immersive sensory imagery?  A good place to start from, don’t you think? What more daily trips can you describe with elevated language rather than a mundane way of seeing and telling things? Remember to absorb each situation using all your senses and who could do that better than us children? Let your imagination and vocabulary run free to help you through the process.

Part 2: Adrift in the Ocean

 Have you tried writing a thrilling story about being lost at sea but floundered over depicting exactly how the main character feels? He is all alone. He is on a small boat with hardly any sustenance. No fresh water. No land to be seen for miles in any direction. How do you articulate his trauma?

It is time for the second article in the series ‘Describe it Right!’ where we are going to learn to write on another very useful subject – adrift in the Ocean.

Imagine all the fearful thoughts that would hit your brain like arrows from all directions if you found yourself lost in the same way. You cannot analyse any of them clearly because there is a cascade of them, and they don’t seem to stop. You are imagining all the possible dangers you could be in. Dehydration. Sharks. Hunger. Nothing is making sense, and that is deterring you from thinking clearly.

How about this example? You can decide if this succinctly conveys all the fears in one’s head.

Johnny woke up feeling as if strong floodlights were directly hitting his eyes. A shrill stream of wind whizzed through one ear and out the next as he adjusted his eyes to the glow. The view came into focus. The open sky looming above his head made him jump up on his elbow and realise he was on a rubber raft. That rubber raft was floating on water, in the middle of an ocean. He quickly turned his head to the left and then to the right, giving him whiplash in the process. His throat felt dry and itchy; swallowing, his saliva felt like fire.  Without looking, he rubbed his left arm with the other and quickly removed his right hand as he felt a searing pain emanate all over. He dropped his eyes and saw that his arms, chest, stomach, thigh and legs were red as a lobster. He was sunburnt so badly that even touching his skin felt like a thousand needles were pricking him with fury. 

What did you notice in the example? Johnny is at first disoriented because he doesn’t know where he is. It slowly begins to dawn upon him that he is at a very different place than he had imagined even in his worst nightmare. Can you see how his senses begin to realise one by one that something is not right? First, he sees, then, he feels, and eventually, the reality of his situation dawns on him. 

Note the use of certain words and phrases. The alliteration in the beginning focuses on the sensory awareness. Two senses are combined here to stress on the abject confusion that he is experiencing. Then we have a detailed description of what he does. At the end, the simile and the sensory descriptions are woven into the paragraph and made to look more natural, like almost telling a story of the description. 

Such descriptive paragraphs should be slowly incorporated into the writing so that the reader too feels exactly like Johnny. Don’t rush into it. Even the most exciting revelation can be lost if not disclosed the right way. Pay attention to key details and keep out unnecessary ones. Instead of saying he was thirsty, show it. Don’t tell the reader that he was sunburnt. Make them feel it at the same time Johnny does.

There you go! Now you know how to describe yet another recurrent yet important topic. Till next time!

Part 1: A Forest